Freshman Abduction

State your full name.

Like, middle too?

That’s what full name means.

Dasonte Jaheim Woodard

Do you have any nicknames?

Um, Dave and DJ, you can add in Alien if you want to?

What’s your idea of a perfect date?

Woah, um well you know we’d go out to eat, maybe take a little walk on the beach. I like walks on the beach. um I don’t really know. I don’t go on lots of dates — that’s not my thing.

Do you currently have any eyes on the ladies at SHS?

Oh yeah, definitely.

Who?

[Name removed because The Scituation is not a dating service.]

Are you taking applications for a girlfriend?

*pause* I would.

What’s the most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?

Well, I told my sister I would stab her with the pencil if she ever told me what to do again.

Wait, and then you stabbed her?

I never stabbed anyone.

But did you get in trouble for it?

I got in a lot of trouble.

Who would star in the movie version of your life?

Kevin Hart.

That’s a stretch. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

I told my friend I had to use an EpiPen before and that has never happened to me ever.

Do you have any allergies?

Yeah, I’m allergic to peanuts, eggs, and bananas.

I just had a banana.

I told my friend that –this is actually true though– one time I ate a cookie that had nuts in it and I had my EpiPen, but I went to the nurse instead and took a long nap.

Did you ever get caught in your lie?

No, he still believes to this day that I used by EpiPen.

Describe yourself in three words.

*long pause* Weird — does crazy count as weird?

No.

All right, can I describe myself as an alien? And short.

What happened the last time you cried?

My animal died in his cage the way home from the vet. It was a cat.

I’m sorry, I don’t do well with sadness and emotion.

I have three dogs, a cat, and my mom wants to get an iguana.

How long ago was this cat incident?

A year ago.

RIP. What was his name?

Ziggy.

Anything else you want to add?

Snapchat is my life. I have over 50 streaks. My highest is 177.